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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sleepy-one's LiveJournal:

    Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
    10:37 pm
     
    Sunday, February 6th, 2005
    11:33 pm
    Tam
    May you please . . . . smile, thanks
    -r




    Monday, December 6th, 2004
    8:40 pm
    Home
    I will be trying to go home for the next three weeks . . . I hope I will succeed but I doubt it.



    Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
    10:51 pm
    Wednesday, December 1st
    How many times in your life you come across someone who embodies dignity and greatness and at the same time radiates profound humbleness because she remarkably understands her vulnerability?
    God's grace will be with you.

    7:18 am
    Monday, November 29th, 2004
    6:40 am
    Sunday, November 28th, 2004
    12:36 pm
    Sunday
    just trying to make you smile.




    Saturday, November 27th, 2004
    12:01 pm
    Friday, November 26th, 2004
    12:33 pm
    Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
    11:22 pm
    11:02 pm
    Monday, July 5th, 2004
    12:46 pm
    Sunday, May 16th, 2004
    9:33 pm
    A Beautiful Day


    I was standing in an open space in the college ground. The place was kind of deserted but had a lot of students at the same time. I had the feeling that they were there but also they were not there. It was strange.

    Then I saw the most princely, beautiful eagle that I ever saw in my entire life. He spread his mighty, elegant wings very gracefully and magnificently soared to the sky. I was awe struck by the beauty I just witnessed. He circled in the sky, my eyes following its movements. I was saying to myself that the color of its wings ( a mixture of brown and black ) is like magic. It turned around and came back with such impressive speed and dominant force that I froze thinking it will crash violently to the ground. He masterfully landed with such ease as if it was just the way to be. I thought I was dreaming but it did it again and again and every time my heart gasped with wonder.

    Suddenly, I found myself having my camera and trying to take pictures, then I realize that the eagle had a huge hole in its abdomen and some of his organs were missing.

    One of the students (who were there but not really there), charged forcefully at me pushing me and shouting that taking pictures was not allowed. I told her not to touch me and got a little scared. I told myself she had to be mistaken. I shouted back at her “how come that you can’t see that beauty. I do not think there is such a rule and even if there is it has to be ignored.” I told her she that should be ashamed of herself because I knew she took a photography class with me. She became more angry and told me she was going to call the police. I felt some relief because I thought they knew me and will give me the permission.

    Another student stepped forward and said “ I know you .Do you know Mr. Solitude?”... After a little thinking I told him “ Do you mean Mr. “Gratitude”?” He said yes. I asked him “ How
    come you knew him?. I knew him before you were born. “ He was my roommate in college and his name was Gratitude Son of the Dear. He was a man made of silk and steel.

    And I woke up with a sense of peace .
    Thursday, April 29th, 2004
    7:58 pm
    "It's a very short trip. While alive . . . live."

    Today i did not feel well. I did not go to work. A walk in the backyard helped a little.
















    Saturday, April 24th, 2004
    5:02 pm
    Friday, April 16th, 2004
    10:26 am
    Friday, April 9th, 2004
    9:16 am
    The Cross
    The world of consistency is the world of justice, but justice is not the final word.

    There is, above the consistent and the logical world of justice, an inconsistent illogical world where nothing “hangs together,” where justice no longer damns each man to his own darkness.

    This inconsistent world is the realm of mercy.

    The world can only be “consistent” without God.

    His freedom will always threaten it with inconsistency-with unexpected gifts.

    A god who is fitted into our world scheme in order to make it serious and consistent is not God.

    Such a world is not to be taken seriously, such a god is not to be taken seriously. If such a god is “absent” then doubtless the absence is a blessing.

    To take him seriously is to submit to obsession, to doubt, to magic, and then to escape these, or try to escape them, by willfulness, by determination to stake all on an arbitrary selection of “things to be taken seriously” because they “save,” because they are “his affairs.”

    (Note that even atheism takes seriously this god of consistency).

    But mercy breaks into the world of magic and justice and overturns its apparent consistency.
    Mercy is inconsistent. It is therefore comic. It liberates us from the tragic seriousness of the obsessive world which we have “made up” for ourselves by yielding to our obsessions. Only mercy can liberate us from the madness of our determination to be consistent-from the awful pattern of lusts, greeds, angers, and hatreds which mix us up together like a mass of dough and thrust us all together into the oven.

    Mercy cannot be obtained in the web of obsessions.

    Nor is it something one determines to think about- that one resolves to “take seriously,” in the sense of becoming obsessed with it.

    You cannot become obsessed with mercy!

    This is the inner secret of mercy. It is totally incompatible with obsession, with compulsion. It liberates from all the rigid and deterministic structures which magic strives to impose on reality (or which science, the child of magic, tries to impose)!

    Mercy is not to be purchased by a set way of acting, by a formal determination to be consistent.
    Law is consistent. Grace is “inconsistent.”

    The Cross is the sign of contradiction-destroying the seriousness of the Law, of the Empire, of the armies, of blood sacrifice, and of obsession.

    But the magicians keep turning the Cross to their own purposes. Yes, it is for them too a sign of contradiction: the awful blasphemy of the religious magician who makes the Cross contradict mercy! This of course is the ultimate temptation of Christianity! To say that Christ has locked all
    the doors, has given one answer, settled everything and departed, leaving all life enclosed in the frightful consistency of a system outside of which there is seriousness and damnation, inside of which there is the intolerable flippancy of the saved-while nowhere is there any place left for the mystery of the freedom of divine mercy which alone is truly serious, and worthy of being taken
    seriously.


    From Raids on the Unspeakable by Thomas Merton
    Monday, October 13th, 2003
    10:26 pm
    Going to a conference in Canada. I hope it will not be that cold.





    See you when i come back.....take care.
    Friday, October 10th, 2003
    11:33 pm
    Sleepy’s dilemma with perfection: the Angel & the Devil


    Sleepy if he is true to himself he will admit that deep deep down in his soul he feels week and alone in a dangerous world. His solution to this problem is to be the best he can to reach what it seems his perfect self. It is like the sun for him. It promises warmth, eternity and dazzling beauty. It is the source of his motivation. It gives an orientation to his scattered activities and meaning to his life. Without his perfect self sleepy would be mortal like everyone else.

    So, perfection, he will seek forever, whether he wanted to or not.. It always be there telling him I am your salvation from inferiority, lack of confidence and I will give you a true strong identity..
    Makes you capable...admired... with seemingly no anxiety and no division in your soul. Sleepy will keep seeking perfection to be vindicated from all the humiliation he has suffered throughout his life...Perfection is his angle of safety. Almost everyone will respect and admire him because of it. And most of all he thinks he will like himself more when he will reach it. A few may even love him.

    But perfection is his curs. It is his devil and he is a slave to it. It blinds him so he cannot see who he really is. It compels him to hate himself because he cannot measure up to that perfect self. His ambition is to be THE MAN is always eating him from inside. He will admit to you all that sometimes makes him deceive himself by thinking that what counts is what he does, while-honestly-what really counts for him is to Excel. Ambition becomes his middle name.
    He has the secret desire to shine and for all others to be small stars scattered here and there. So what he does with his guilt? He goes the extra mile to be sincerely humble. When someone pays him a complement he laugh and shrug it off. Even Sometimes he becomes paranoid thinking everyone secretly hates him, and if they love him they are loving the image of the prefect him and not the real sleepy. The real him is well hidden As I told you perfection is his devil. It takes his spontaneity away. It hides from him what he really is. More seriously it stops what he really is from growing because he has no choice but to be what he should be.

    So please tell him are you like him or he really strange? Can he live without his angel and his devil? Can he get rid of both? How? And how will life be like without them?
    12:03 am
    My life is mirrored in a tree


    Sleepy travels one hour every day to go to work. The road is flat.. Nothing but plain land with fields of rice or soybeans.
    However, there is this tree that keeps his company . It is a dignified one that man and time have beaten. It seems to be looking at the sky in appeal.
    One day he noticed a little green branch growing. The birds started to stay close to keep it company. Even a dove made a nest at the top of it. He thought the tree started to smile..
    Gradually the branch became stronger and soon after a small brother joined it. His tree became a symbol of reassurance and promise. Three joyous years passed by with the reassurance getting conformed and the promise becoming fulfilled.

    Then, coming home one day he saw a man setting fire to it. Stunned, Sleepy stopped but could do nothing. Absurdity loomed. He looked at it and slowly, silently started to cry. He thought it was still standing tall. Can a miracle happen and by spring he will find a green branch coming out? Or the art of living consists of knowing when he has to accept reality and deal with loss....damn it he does not like to accept reality. Sleepy’s tree as it stands now is very delicate and stunning.

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